Field Report 006 · Face Systems

Is Your Mustache Dirty?

Your mustache has a difficult assignment. It lives directly beneath your nose and immediately above your mouth...

FINDING 01 — Yes. There are bacteria in your mustache.

We can settle that immediately. There are bacteria in your mustache, just like everywhere else...

FINDING 02 — No, your beard has not been scientifically proven dirtier than a toilet.

Every few years, some version of this story returns from informal swab tests...

FINDING 03 — Clean-shaven does not mean sterile.

A razor moves across your face removing hair very close to the skin, causing friction...

FINDING 04 — But your mustache does catch things.

Now we arrive at the obvious problem. A mustache occupies the splash zone...

THE MEISTER'S VERDICT

Is your mustache dirty? Sometimes. So is your face. Inspection status: NORMAL FACIAL EQUIPMENT